Fix It

I need to give myself some attention again. Not normal attention, just stop telling myself that I am ok when I know I need to fix some old wounds that are beginning to bleed again. If I want to continue to heal I need to acknowledge that I am broken. And not only to myself, but to the people who can help me. Its just so difficult to reach out. Oh well, here goes nothing!

Funky Cheese

So I was recently thinking about a talk that I had heard at a retreat I went on with my church. It was about David and Goliath. The speaker brought something new into perspective that I had never thought about before: David would not have been able to defeat Goliath if he had not first defeated loins and bears in private. (1 Samuel 17:34-37) One of the things the speaker talked/joked about a lot was how David had to carry cheese to his brothers who were soldiers. (1 Samuel 17:18) Needless to say, they did not have coolers back then, and when cheese is in the heat too long it starts to smell BAD. So, in the words of the speaker, "David smelled like some funky cheese!" This little part of David smelling like funky cheese is what I want to focus on right now. Fightig the lions and bears prepared David to fight Goliath, but the funky cheese was a big part of David's journy to his brothers and to the plan God had for David. I think the funky cheese in many ways represents the discomfort of the journy David had to take to get to God's plan. God never said that the path that we have to travel to follow Him was going to be easy, infact He basically said the exact opposite: very few find it and you will be prosecuted for taking it. But God did tell us that He will never give us anything that we can not overcome through Him. God prepared David for the battle with Goliath when David had to fight the lions and bears in private. Then David had to carry this smelly, nasty, funky cheese all day to get it to his brothers. After David successfully did both these things, he was presented with Goliath and because David had obeyed God when he fought the lions and bears and when he carried the cheese, David had the faith that he could defeat Goliath with God on his side that none of his brothers or any of the other soldiers had. David had to obey God first in the private and maybe even seemingly small things first before he could obey God in the big things. My question to you now is what are your lions and bears? Maybe no one else knows about them, or maybe only a few people know about them. And finally, never give up God's plan for you just becuase you are sick and tired of carrying smelly, gross, funky cheese, or in other words: just because its hard and difficult do not right something small off as unimportant. Praying over someone else, having a one on one time with Jesus even though you are ready for bed, or going to your local church one day even though you have a sports game that you are supposed to play in may be part of the grooming that will give you the diligence that you need to be fully involved in God's plan for you. No matter what is going on in your life, God will ALWAYS give you the strength to get through it.

word vomit

I hate texting. Absolutely hate it. Yes, sometimes it is very helpful, but the amount of comments that I say that I wish to take back has grown exponentially since I began texting. And, unfortunately, when I text that comment, I have to stare at it until the person responds, and then I have to apologize. Most of the time the people don't even notice, or say that it didn't matter.

As frustrating as all of this is for me, I am grateful for it. When I make mistakes, it is an expression of my freewill, a beautiful gift from God (although sometimes it feels like a curse). God was so loving when He created us that He gave us the ability to choose. We have the ability to choose what we would like to choose. EVEN IF ITS WRONG. If we didn't have the ability to choose, we would be nothing for than robots, programed to do specific actions. By having the ability to choose, we have the ability to love.

Food for thought.

My Story

Ha, you thought I was going to tell you everything right now, didn't you? Sorry but you'll have to wait until a later date. As much as I would like to tell you everything right now, I have found that it is much more fun (at least at this point) to tell a little peice at a time.
This post's purpose is to take up that awkward first post when I am never quite sure what to write.